


Real or Not Real?

by louandhaz



Series: Kingsman Oneshots [5]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drugs, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Not Kingsman: The Golden Circle Compliant, Post-Kingsman: The Secret Service
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-08-18 21:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20198746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louandhaz/pseuds/louandhaz
Summary: Eggsy was never told of Harry's survival. Then on a particular mission, a madman threw chemicals at Eggsy that resulted in him losing his memories.Harry doesn't think he could handle the Eggsy who doesn't remember him and the time they had spent together.





	Real or Not Real?

**Real or Not Real?**

Fifty-seven days have passed before Harry Hart decided to wake up from his coma caused by a bullet wound to the side of his head. His first thought as he opens his eyes was the whereabouts of Eggsy, which was a bit confusing at first because how could a young man he only knew for a few months became one of the most important person in his life?

When he wakes up a second time, he was surprised to be informed by Merlin (now temporary Arthur) that Eggsy has not been told of his survival.

“The world’s still a mess right now and we cannae afford any distractions.” or in Merlin's true language: “We need all the help we can get and Eggsy needs to focus on his missions rather than sitting by your bedside.”

Harry understood the reasons for Merlin’s decision of course, but he couldn’t help a tang of guilt as well as anticipation. Guilt for lying by omission by not telling Eggsy that he was, in fact, alive and anticipation because Eggsy is a Kingsman agent now. Egssy is _Galahad_. __Harry doesn’t know what his own fate in Kingsman after his physical therapy will be, but once he gets to see Eggsy again, he will see a young man who is finally fulfilling his potential. And maybe… _just _maybe, Harry could begin to court the boy.

Alas, all of his plans falls out the window when one month later the latest mission Eggsy was in went tits up.

“What happened to him?” Harry’s tone is calm but his eyes are filled with rage. Rage to destroy every single people or factors that have put his darling boy to rest on the bed in front of him.

“Sir. Galahad was tasked to retrieve a drug made by Victor Rada,” Roxanne Morton, now Agent Lancelot explains, “some called him a mad scientist with a goal to control the minds of the world government including The Queen. Him and Percival managed to accomplish the mission, but when Rada tried to run, Galahad was sprayed with a drug with unknown substance.” Her expression and body language shows professionalism but Harry could see the anger in her eyes that shows protectiveness of her friend. Harry has no doubt in his mind that if Percival had not apprehended Rada, Lancelot would have personally dealt with the Russian herself.

While they were talking, the hadn’t noticed that Eggsy had opened his eyes, only the heart monitor had alarmed them. “Eggsy, you’re awake!” Harry gives the boy a smile while taking his hand in his own and squeezes gently.

“Oh, thank God.” Roxy sighs before smiling while turning towards the door. “I’ll get the doctor.”

“You gave us quite a scare, lad. Don’t do that again.” Merlin scolds fondly, making Harry wonder just how close the two have become in his absence. But before Harry could say anything more, him and Merlin are shocked when the first words that comes out of Eggsy’s mouth… his first words to Harry since apologizing to Harry all those months ago are-

“Who are you?”

Harry feels his world comes to a stop.

He suddenly feels cold and numb, yet his heart are beating so fast as he stares into Eggsy’s blank expression. Is this a joke? If it is then it’s cruel. Though he supposes it’s justified because Harry is a cruel man himself to have kept his survival a secret from the boy. In fact, the secret should have lasted much longer, at least until Harry is finally declared healthy by his PT instructor and psychiatrist. The only reason Harry is showing himself in front of Eggsy is because the moment he was notified of Eggsy recuperating in the medical ward, Harry had said fuck the protocols and ran to the young man's side before Merlin could stop him.

Now Harry finds himself regretting that decision.

* * *

Two weeks passed by and Eggsy still has not utter a single word after the three words that now has ruined Harry’s life.

“Oh, stop being so dramatic, Harry.” Merlin chastises.

“Shut up, Merlin. My behavior is completely acceptable, the boy hasn’t talked since he'd woken up for bloody sake!”

“The doctor said it has something to do with the drugs Rada made and threw at him. Have faith in our R&D department, Harry. Have faith in _Eggsy._” Harry notices the hand on his shoulder shook ever so lightly, making him sigh.

“I’m terribly sorry, my friend. I seem to forget it’s not only me who worries over him.” Merlin, Roxanne, Percival and other agents have come to visit Eggsy, coaxing the blonde to talk or just telling stories to rouse his memory. Everything they did has not come to fruition, but Harry is glad to see that Eggsy has made his way to the hearts of almost every staff in Kingsman that they still take the time to visit him. Harry’s heart warms at the thought of Eggsy receiving kindness by the people around him.

But this? This is too cruel.

Everyday Eggsy would wake up, stare at him with a blank expression and not talk. He wouldn’t even eat or shower. The only time he gave some kind of expression was the time when he was shown a picture of his mother and sister or when JB came to visit. But even then, there was only a flicker in his eyes. It was Merlin’s call not to tell Eggsy’s family yet of his current condition and uses the excuse of being in a long term business trip. Harry, for one, agreed because even though Michelle and little Daisy deserves to know Eggsy’s whereabouts, he couldn’t bear to let them see Eggsy’s catatonic state.

Harry himself did not think he could bear Eggsy’s cold, lifeless eyes before him. Until one day, he almost snaps.

“If you walk out that door right now, if you turn your back on him… then you really would have failed him.” Merlin tells Harry as he abruptly stands up from the plastic chair he has been using for two weeks, the loneliness, stress and worry for the boy finally catching up with him.

“Then what do you suppose I should do, Hamish?” Harry grits his teeth and clenches his hands, not caring of his nails piercing the skin on his palms. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to help Eggsy.

“I don't know what to do, Merlin.” He whispers brokenly. Then, a gentle but firm hand rests against his shoulder, grounding him and giving him an answer, "Stay with him, Harry."

It was a simple answer that Harry finds difficult to accept. How could he help his boy by simply staying there? However, he finds himself nodding and unconsciously sits down by Eggsy's side again.

“I'm here, my dear boy.” Harry takes Eggsy's hand and gives it a trembling kiss, willing his voice to reach the sleeping boy in his dream. “You needn’t worry. I'll always protect you, I promise.”

* * *

It would seem fate is a bitch because the next time Eggsy wakes up is when Harry was forced to go home to take a shower and sleep in his own bed. Oh, and the boy is missing.

“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU MEAN HE'S MISSING!” Harry shouts, all prominent of a gentleman gone. He was actually having a decent sleep before Merlin pinged him to inform that Eggsy is gone from his room.

“You bloody well know what I mean.” He can practically hear Merlin's eyes rolling. “The lad's known for escaping medical since he was appointed a Kingsman and has continued Galahad's recklessness strike. He's even better at running away from doctors and nurses than you were, Harry.” Bloody hell, the wizard actually sounds impressed.

“Is this really the time for compliments, Merlin?” Harry growls as he gets in his car and steps on the gas. “You know he's not safe to be out of medical in his catatonic state, how could this have happened!”  
  
“Turn left.” On instinct, the previous Galahad immediately turns his wheel and makes left.

“What-” “Facial recognition just alerted me of your boy. He's near Holborn Police Station.” Harry's eyes widen at the mention of the familiar place. Why would Eggsy go there? And more importantly, if he's there then does this mean he's regained his memories? Or is it just a coincidence?

Merlin's voice in his ear snaps his thoughts. “Bring our lad home, Arthur.”

“Yes, Merlin.” Harry grips on the wheel tightly, pushing his thoughts down. Right now, the only thing that matters is finding Eggsy.

*

As soon as he arrived, Harry didn't even bother closing the car door. Kingsman cab could only run by scanner or facial recognition anyway.

Not caring of the chilly air and dark area, with only street lights and lights from the police station to guide him, Harry starts searching his boy. His kind, brave, rough around the edges Eggsy. Eggsy who has overcome many hard obstacles in his life and deserves everything this life has to offer and more.

He has been searching for five minutes before turning to run down the stairs to widen his search before he hears a small voice calling his name.

“Harry.”

Harry stops dead and immediately turns around. There he finds Eggsy leaning against the wall, much like when they first met but this time their positions are reversed. This time, it was Harry running down the stairs, only to be stopped from advancing further by someone. This time, Eggsy is the one who called his name.

Eggsy called his name. Eggsy _talked._

Harry fully faces the boy's hunched form and notices him shivering. He is wearing an oversized jumper and sweatpants, his skin is pale and his blonde locks are messy, a picture of a fragile young man who looks nothing like a spy. Harry wants nothing more than to gather him into his arms.

But Eggsy has talked. For the first time in two weeks, Eggsy has opened his mouth and the first thing that comes out was Harry's name, a name he should not remember.

Harry desperately wants to confirm the return of Eggsy's memory but he was afraid that if he opens his mouth, something will trigger the boy to withdraw again. To return to his catatonic state, a place Harry cannot reach, is not something he wants to risk. So with all his power, he stays silent and only uses his eyes to communicate with Eggsy, silently encouraging him to continue. Eggsy himself looks like he was struggling. Nonetheless, Harry has made his resolve. He would not push Eggsy, but he would not leave him.

Ever again.

“I…” The young man starts to speak, voice hoarse from lack of use. “When I woke up, I was so scared. I couldn't remember anything. Not my mum or Daisy or Merlin or-or Roxy or Percy or JB… or y-you” The crack in Eggsy's voice almost rips Harry apart. “I couldn't even remember my own name. A-and then you were there and I remembered. I remembered everything! My family, Kingsman, V-day, and you! But-but you weren't supposed to be there, so of course I thought it was a dream. I thought this was all a dream, so why bother talking? Why bother _living?_”

Harry's heart breaks as he slowly realizes the reasoning behind Eggsy's catatonic state. His memories came back, but those damn drugs, mixed with his unstable psychology, had broken Eggsy's mind and made him to believe that nothing is real.

Harry's resolve of being patient and not talking crumbles, “Eggsy-”

“NO!” Eggsy crowds back against the wall as Harry took a step. He immediately halts, stung yet doesn't dare move another inch at the boy's outburst.

Still, he wants-no, he _needs _to comfort Eggsy. He needs to reassure the boy who now has tears in his eyes, that everything is real. _Harry_ is real.

“Eggsy, please-” “How do I know you're real?” The younger male whispers brokenly, tear-filled eyes begging Harry to tell him the words he wants to hear.

“I love you, Eggsy.” The words flow right out of Harry’s mouth before he could stop himself. But it wasn't enough to convince Eggsy. The blond only freezes for a few seconds before shaking his head.

“You don't know how many times I've imagined Harry coming home and saying those words to me, bruv…” Eggsy bites his lip and closes his eyes as if ashamed. Ashamed of his confession. Ashamed of even thinking that Harry could ever love him.

Fortunately, Harry Hart was not known to back down when he truly wants something. “Nevertheless, it's true. How could you not know?”

Eggsy shakes his head again, mindful of Harry taking another step up the stairs towards him. “Did you know that I love your eyes? How they're sometimes grey, sometimes blue and when you're under a light, they shine green?”

Another step.

“Did you know that I love your moles? How they are spread all over your body. The first night we spent together in those 24 hours, I was pleased to find there are so many of them and I had the chance to kiss and mark all the ones I've found.”

And another one.

“Did you know that I love your lips? I love how pink and soft they are, how sensitive they were when I kissed them. I loved when you screamed my name, but what I love more about them is how you sealed them shut to protect me from you stepfather and to protect Kingsman, showing how much of a loyal person you are. Oh, and I love your accent.”

And another.

“Did you know I love that your clothing despite how horrendous they are? I've seen you in a suit, you're so fucking gorgeous, my love. But at the end of the day, you in a track suit is the real you and I love you in them.”

An another.

“Did you know that my last thought before Valentine pulled the trigger was of you? And the first words that came out of my mouth after I woke up from a coma was your name? I was so scared of what Valentine and Chester might do to you in my absence, you see, and even though I knew Merlin will do right by you, I still worry because I love you too much.”

And another.

“Did you know that I regret ever leaving you in my house, angry and hating myself for saying such cruel words to you? You are your own person, Eggsy, not your father. And I would spend the rest of my life asking for your forgiveness for abandoning you.”

And another.

“Did you know that I am so afraid of loving you, because if you have even the slightest amount of affection towards me, I'm afraid of not wanting to let you go because then you'll be tied to an old man like me? You, who is still young and have a very bright future ahead of you.”

Until he is right in front of Eggsy. “Do you know I am so in love with you, that I am willing to give you everything. Everything that you want, everything that I am… I'll give it all to you, my dear boy.”

Harry stares unflinchingly at Eggsy's watery eyes as the latter opens his mouth. “I… I want…”

“Yes, Eggsy?”

Eggsy shuts his eyes, making the tears that's gathered in his eyes flow freely down his cheeks. “I want this to be real… I want you, Harry” He finishes with a sob, and finally--_finally_ Harry gathers the boy into his arms.

After what seems like forever, Harry pulls back to wipe Eggsy's tears away. He cups the latter's jaws and softly places a chaste kiss on the boy's lips. “I love you, Harry.” He says in-between kisses, to which Harry replies, “And I, you, my love.”

Eggsy beams at him with a smile and Harry never thought himself lucky to be the one receiving such a beautiful sight.

* * *

Of course, not everything ends up happily ever after. Eggsy still has to recuperate at Kingsman medical, and he has to undergo therapywhich he sometimes refuses to go to, much to Merlin's dismay (because “why do all Galahads appear to be stubborn babies?”). Harry certainly has patience toward his lover, but sometimes they both could not be in a right mood and that often leads to arguments that usually ends with throwing things or hurtful words.

In the end, though, they managed.

“I'm sorry.” Harry says after snatching Eggsy's hand and pulling him to his chest, preventing him from leaving in anger.

“…I'm sorry too.” Eggsy murmurs while grabbing Harry's shirt tightly to calm himself and trying not to struggle out of his lover's hold. They will always have arguments and they will shout at the little or big, stupid things that make them not want to see each others’ faces for a while, but they swore to never leave each other while being angry ever again.

After those fights, some nights Eggsy would have nightmares and other nights Harry would have his own. However, they always have each other to remind what is real and what isn't.

The nightmares are not real and this…  
_“I love you.” _Harry whispers.

Harry and Eggsy, lying in this bed together…  
_“I love you.” _Eggsy breathes.

_This_ is real.

.

.

**End.**


End file.
